wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
