we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think your dad took our porno
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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