I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
