Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
