WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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