oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
