oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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