she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
