Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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