I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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