then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
