just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
