I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
