'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
