Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
