I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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