one two three fourrrrnication!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
