But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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