Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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