i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
