pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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