Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
