you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize