Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
