I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
