I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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