Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
