I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
