you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
