I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
this hospital has no fireball
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
