We won't sleep together?
so that wasnt chicken after all
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
