Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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