she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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