Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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