Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Panties = found
He has the fingertips of a God
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
