So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
