Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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