I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
