we're making bets on your personal life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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