8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
