I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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