if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
