Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
