ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so let's talk penis.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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