dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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