I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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