I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
