i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
