To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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