That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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