plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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