i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
