never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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