At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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