you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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