just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
