When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
