i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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