i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
