i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
