in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
