I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize