I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
