I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
